One Hundred and Ninety

As narrated by Zee:

My heart drums against my ribcage as I wait for her reaction.

For a moment she simply looks at me, as my words register. Her eyes slowly widen and she gasps.

“I.. what.. did you just…” she stutters incoherently.

Then she’s hurriedly getting to her feet.

“Dee,” I say, quickly following suit. “Wait.”

I grab her hand involuntarily, preventing her from moving away.

“No,” she whispers, her tone matching the panic in her eyes. “No, no, no.”

My heart drops to my toes like a piece of lead in water.

“Listen,” I say, talking quickly.

“No,” she says again, her voice louder this time.

She tugs at her hand in mine.

“Let go,” she says. “Please, just let go.”

“Dee.. I -”

“I don’t want to hear!” she says her voice breaking. “Let go!”

And then she bursts into tears.

Momentarily surprised, my grip slackens. She yanks her hand out of mine and turns on her heel.

It was not suppose to go like this.

“Dee!” I call, my voice laced with anguish. “Wait! Please!”

But she ignores me, hurrying into the house.

Flabbergasted, I simply stand and stare at the gate she disappeared through.

What just happened…?!?!

As narrated by Amz:

It had been about 15 minutes since I let Zee out into the back, warning him that Dee was not eager to see him nor was she in a good mood.

He had confidently told me that he would manage to change that but he looked pretty nervous himself!

I hear the gate being opened, and jump to my feet, excitement rushing through me.

Are they good with each other now? Did he ask her? What did she say?

I head to the kitchen – which leads to the backyard – trying to act casual, but almost get knocked over by Dee dashing through the kitchen.

“Whoa!” I exclaim under my breath, stepping back and regaining my balance.

I make my way after Dee, already knowing that whatever happened did not go well.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask gently, sitting down next to her on the bed.

Her breathing is fast and shallow, her hands covering her face to hide the tears flowing down her cheeks.

“Get out!” she says. “You knew! You knew and you still let him!”

“Dee -”

“No! I don’t want to hear! Get out!” she cuts me off, her voice rising.

Aunty Salma enters the room and immediately her face falls.

Our gaze meets and I sigh quietly.

Getting up, I shake my head at Aunty Salma and leave the room, making my way outside.

He’s sitting cross-legged, deep in thought, his hands fiddling with the grass.

“I warned you,” I say, sitting down in front of him.

“I know,” he says, not looking up.

“What happened?” I ask.

“I’m angry, not now,” he says, clenching his jaw.

“It’s not your fault,” I say.

“I know. It’s her father’s,” he says, getting up. “And I hate him for that.”

Then, he walks away.

I follow him into the house, willing my heart to stay strong for the sake of my friends.

As narrated by Zee:

“She said no,” I say, walking into the dining room, where the ladies are sitting. “Let’s go.”

I notice that Aunty Salma isn’t present.

Mummy frowns and a look of surprise crosses over Humairah’s face.

My ears listen to my words and my heart shakes in anger, in anguish.

Just like that, Zee?

You’re giving up so easily? After fighting so hard?

You’re not going to even try?

“What happened?” asks mummy, standing up.

“She said no,” I say, clenching my jaw.

“What do you mean she said no?” asks Humairah. “How could she have said no?”

“I thought you said she felt the same way,” adds mummy.

“She does feel the same way,” I say. “She’s just too scared to admit it.”


That night – The early A.M.

Sleep hovers above me, an unreachable waft of bliss.

It slips through my eyelashes as I try to capture it, dancing between the thoughts of my mind. Between her laugh, her smile, her voice and her eyes.

It touches my eyelids, feather-light, and then disappears.

I toss and turn, willing it to caress my mind and pull me into its embrace but tonight it’s here to play.

Restless, I pick up my phone.

She answers on the first ring.


My heart pounds.


Silence meets my ear and for a second I think she’s hung up.


“I’m scared,” she says.

Her voice whispers her confession and I want to hold her and protect her and take away her fears.

“Listen to your heart, Dee,” I say. “It’s time you gave it a chance.”

“Zee,” she says, her voice breaking.Β “I can’t.”

“You can,” I say. “Don’t be selfish to yourself, Dee. Just this once, listen to your heart. I’m telling you, this time it won’t heal. If you break it now, it will stay broken forever. But if you listen to it now, it will heal. It will heal completely. I know you’re scared. I know I’m asking for a lot. I understand where you’re coming from. But give me a chance, Dee. Give your heart a chance. You’re too hard on yourself. It’s time to face your fears. I know it’s terrifying seeing something you don’t believe in right before your eyes, but take it head on. Love does exist and I’m willing to give you all of it. Just tell me what your heart says.”

It’s quiet on the other side and again I check my phone to see if she’s hung up, but she hasn’t.

So I wait.

Patiently I wait for her to speak, knowing that this can’t be easy for her.

As I wait, I wish it didn’t have to be like this, I wish it could just be simple and I wonder why love is so complicated.

But it’s not.

Love is not complicated.

We complicate it.


“Dee,” I say after a long moment, when she still hasn’t said anything.

What she says next leaves me speechless for a second.

“My heart says that it’s willing to stop for you, how must it do that when you’re the reason it keeps going?”

Her voice is soft, shaky, but sincere.

This is a big deal for her – confessing the feelings of her heart.

“Dee….” I trail off, at a loss for words.

“Can we do a rerun?” she asks.

My heart skips a beat.

“A rerun?” I ask, desperately hoping she means what I think she means.

“Yeah. A rerun of your… samoosa run,” she says.

“Okay,” I say, my heart racing. “Knock knock?”

“Who’s there?”

“Will you marry?”

She doesn’t rush. This time, she makes me wait, taking her own sweet time to answer.

“Will you marry who?”

I play her game, letting the silence hang for a second longer than she did.

“Will you marry me?”

As the silence stretches, my smile slowly fades.




The initial plan was to have the wedding post and all finish before Ramadhaan but time constraints prevented that. There won’t be too much detail or many posts of the wedding because I want to get on with the story, and their “marriage” is going to be a bit different to what marriage usually entails (and also because I don’t have a clue how all this marriage stuff works! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚)Β 

This post is for two people:

1) raindrop06 – I’m not sure if you’re still reading, but I remember in one of the still early posts you commented along the lines of not wanting these two to end up together. At that time I hadn’t even hinted towards the idea and I was so surprised that you guessed anyway. If you are still reading, I hope you no longer feel like they shouldn’t be together! 🌻 

2) Moolla – Your reaction when I told you Zeeyanah is finally happening still brings a smile to my face when I think about it. πŸ˜ŒπŸ˜†Β I’m also really glad that you’ve started reading again, even though I’m irritated that you missed a chunk (part of which was one of my favourite posts! πŸ™„)Β 

Insha Allah plan to get one more post up tomorrow before Ramadhaan – an update on Meez and Umair. If perchance I don’t manage, this will be the last post until after Ramadhaan.Β 

Much Love,Β 

Troubled Illusioner. ❀


54 thoughts on “One Hundred and Ninety

  1. Jazaakillaah khair for the lovely post….
    Alhamdulillah #Zeeyanah is on again, after all the heartbreak hope Zee helps her to heal her broken heart πŸ’”
    Sister if this is your last post before Ramadhaan, may you have a spiritually uplifting Ramadhaan and a lovely Eid…

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Yippee another wedding in the blog worldπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ’ 🎊
    Atleast their relationship will b halal nowπŸ’

    JazakAllah for taking out the time to write out these amazing posts πŸ“….plz dnt 4get us in ur duaazπŸ’

    Liked by 2 people

  3. YAAAAAS ! β™₯️β™₯️β™₯️β™₯️ I’m so excited ! My eid gift actually pulled through before Ramadan even ! πŸ˜‚ Now make them go through with the whole wedding please. No cold feet, no backing out and no random obstacles ! You know what they say about taking something back after you’ve already gifted it to someone !

    Liked by 5 people

  4. Oh my yaaaaay sooo exciting πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’πŸ’ !!
    Im so happy for them 😊
    I hope now that Zee can fulfill all his promises and that Dee can finally be happy πŸ˜˜πŸ‘«πŸ’™

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Shukran for the post sister!🌹
    I’m still reading all your posts.
    I seriously don’t remember commenting on that!
    Since I don’t remember the reason for me not wanting them together…so I guess I’m no longer against it! πŸ’š

    Liked by 4 people

  6. I didn’t want Zee n Dee ending up together …though I’m loving Zees humour and understanding…they seem so compatible.
    I always thought Meez n Dee will end up together
    Loved all the emotion and description in this post β™₯

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I was reading all along and then I came to the part when Dee calls and I read further lol, I’m telling myself “No this can’t be happening , it can’t be done so easily! She’s pranking you , don’t get excited!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚” But then it happened and like it’s read and woooowwww , I’m so excited!

    Jazakallah for another awesome post!πŸ˜˜πŸ™Œ

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Yaaayyyy…see I told you that you were adorable authoress….lovely post…

    ;)waiting for another post inshaAllah…that is if you can manage..

    No force;)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Yayyyy plz one more post before ramadhan…then we can fully concentrate on ibaadat Insha’Allah. Alhamdulillah at least their love will be halal now after marriage….

    Liked by 1 person

    this post made my ramadaan *lols*
    ive waited for this alllllll along

    authoressss shukran habibti…for the post during ramadaan annnnnd for the lovely post.
    oooooh wedding bells *dancing*
    well alhamdulillah now they can halaalify it

    enjoy the ramadaan sisterrr
    dont leave us postless


    Liked by 1 person

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