28.02.2018

*A little something written by a very talented friend of mine.


Gripping the rails of the staircase, I rush forward, feeling the early evening breeze hit my face. I pay no attention to it, focusing on easing my breaths instead. All I can hear is your voice, but I can’t trace the sound. I close my eyes and sigh inwardly. It’s been too much. It was always too much. This race, this constant fear, the anxiety that has embraced me completely, the sadness that remains with me continuously – it’s all too much. I sit down on the stairs and stare into nothingness, my mind mocking me. I’m chasing a dead human. I’m chasing a human who lies six feet under the ground. My demons have created an imaginary you. I can hear your melodious voice ringing in my ears – it’s louder than my heartbeat. I can feel you, but when I look, you’re not there. When I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I see sullen eyes – I see your eyes, powerful grey, stormy like the sea. I can smell your fragrance – a mixture of perfume and washing powder. I hear the sound of your car, reversing out of the driveway. My heart leaps but when I run to the window, there’s nothing there, no one there. They say I’m insane, that I’ve lost my mind.  But I know, I know that if you were here, they wouldn’t have reason to call me that. I would embrace you, and listen to every story of yours. I would smile and laugh at seeing you smile and laugh. I would have asked you every question that I want to ask you now. I would have served you in every way possible. I would have made your tea for you just as you liked. I would have inhaled your scent again and again, I would have bought your favourite chocolates, cooked your favourite meals, appreciated our conversations more. I would have loved you like how I love you now. I would have appreciated your existence like how I appreciate my very own breathing. I would have loved you, I would have loved you just like how I love you now, if not, even more….
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