One Hundred and Fifty Three

Hey. Hi. Hello. Salaam. Bonjour. Salut. Ciao. Ahoj. Bog. Marhaba. Ola.ย ๐Ÿ˜€

Hope all my wonderful readers are well!

Hanifa, this one is for you. Couldn’t believe when I saw you guessed correctly, because I didn’t even put hints! Well done!ย ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’•

Have a super Saturday!ย ๐ŸŒธ

Much Love,

Troubled Illusioner. โค

As narrated by Dee:

“Yeah?” asks Meez, squinting slightly against the sunlight.

I take a deep a breath, my heart racing.

“I.. urrm, you and Dayyanah…” I start, unsure how to phrase my question. “You’ve been.. in touch with her, haven’t you?”

“Yeah. I have. A little,”ย he replies slowly, watching me carefully.

“So.. can I.. urm, do you.. you have her number, right?” I stutter nervously.

He frowns, not answering me immediately.

“I do, yes.”

“Can I.. could you.. perhaps.. give it to me?” I ask, avoiding his gaze.

He doesn’t say anything and I glance up anxiously.

“I.. well, yeah, sure,” he says, sounding very unsure!

“I’ll forward it to you on WhatsApp, that fine?”

“Yeah,” I reply, shrugging.

“Thanks,” I add awkwardly, a moment later.

I walk back home, wondering why Meez didn’t seem so keen to fulfill my request.. wondering if I had maybe made a mistake in asking..

In life, there are some moments, which you just never forget. Like meeting a goal you’ve put your all into. Losing someone you love to death. Making your parents proud. Breaking a fear. Looking at someone and knowing you’ve found your soulmate.

And with unforgettable moments, come unforgettable feelings. Like the peace you feel when praying in solitude. The sense of accomplishment you feel on achieving what you strove for. The darkness of depression you feel at knowing that you will never see someone you love again. The stabbing feeling of betrayal, knowing that your sister, your own blood, wants nothing to do with you.

“Dee, I hate to be the one to say it to you…”

“She said that she doesnโ€™t want anything to do with you…”

Meez’s voice rings in my ears, full of apology, for what is not even his fault.

The words are loud and clear, as if he is standing right next to me and speaking.

And now too, such a long time later, what I feel, as it sinks in, is betrayal.

Raw, unfiltered betrayal.

Heart-wrenching agony.

Shocked disbelief.

Does she really?? Does my sister, my twin sister, really not want anything to do with me?? After all we’ve been through together??

Unable to swallow the bitter pill, I find myself right back at square one.

The blame game.

It’s my fault.

I left.

I ruined our relationship.

Of course she doesn’t want anything to do with me.

Who would, anyway?




images (1)


I end up standing under the shower for a little longer than usual. Partially to rejuvenate myself after this mornings run, and partially because I’d been lost in thought.

After eventually shutting off the water (and my thoughts), I get dressed and make my bed.

I yell at Amz to hurry up in the shower before heading downstairs to make myself some breakfast.

Before long Uncle Ismaeel is hooting outside and we’re rushing out.

“Dee, your geography book is on the chair,” Amz yells from the dining room.

“I don’t have geog today,” I yell back. “I’ve got your lunch bag with me.”

Amz exits the house a second later, locking up behind her.

We climb into the car, greeting.

“So what did you bribe him with, Deeyanah?” Uncle Ismaeel asks after replying our greeting.

“Huh?” I ask, confused.

“Heard you took Rameez on a run this morning,” says Uncle Ismaeel.

“Ohhh!” I reply, grinning.

Meez rolls his eyes.

“I didn’t bribe him,” I reply truthfully.

“Maybe he’s not well,” Uncle Ismaeel muses seriously.

I laugh and Meez rolls his eyes again.

“I’m never going on a run again if you’ll going to give me this much grief about it!” grumbles Meez.

We pick up Zee and Sumayya and finally make our way to school.

“See you’ll in a bit,” waves Sumayya, heading off to her tourism class.

We wave back and make our way to the science lab for biology.

Walking a little slower, Zee and I fall behind Amz and Meez.

“Let me carry these for you,” offers Zee, taking my file and lunch bag from me.

“Thank you,” I say to him, smiling.

He smiles back, his eyes shining.

“How was the run?” asks Zee.

“A bit tiring, but good. I feel like I’ve been up since 5 hours already but it’s just been 3,” I say.

“Did you sleep well last night?”

“Kind of..”


“The usual,” I reply with a sigh.

“Give it some time,” says Zee.

“It’s been almost a whole week,” I point out bitterly.

“It’s understandably going to take longer. You seen your mother and then, unexpectedly, Dayy the next day.”

“I guess,” I say, shrugging.

“Speaking of Dayy…” I hesitantly add a moment later, lowering my tone.


“I need advice.”

“But, not now,” I continue, glancing at Meez walking further in front of us.

Zee frowns questioningly.

“I’ll explain,” I say. “After school.”


“I… I want to make amends. I want to make up for all the mistakes I’ve made. I.. I’m not.. content. I’m not at peace with myself.. my past. But.. I want to be. And, I.. I just feel.. that this is what I need to do. This is the next step I need to take…”

“But.. after that day..” I trail off, remembering how Dayy had turned on her heel and fled the moment I moved towards her.

Zee and I are sitting together under the large tree in his backyard. Despite being in the shade, we’re not safe from the blistering heat.

A plate of chicken and avocado wraps sits between us, next to a jug of cold water and two glasses.

I pull at the strands of grass in front of me, keeping my gaze cast downward, too anxious to meet Zee’s watchful eyes.

“That’s what’s stopping you, right?” Zee asks quietly. “The possible rejection.”

I look up. Our gazes lock and for a long moment I can’t seem to look away.

But then a bird flies down from the tree, getting my attention.

I turn to glance at it briefly, nodding my head in way of answer to Zee’s question.

“Well, you’ll never know until you try it,” Zee says in aย quirky way, trying to lighten the mood.

I give him a half-smile and add, “And there is no time like the present… to eat!”

Zee rolls his eyes, grins, and reaches for a wrap.

Chicken Avocado Burritos 800 9557.jpg



My hands are shaking uncontrollably, my heart pounding against my rib cage.

Taking a deep breath, trying to calm down, I tap the call button.

It takes everything in me to patiently listen to the ringing tone and not cut the call.

My heart races as it rings..

and rings..

and rings..

A tiny part of me prays that she doesn’t pick up, that we don’t have to go through with this call, but a greater part begs her to answer, to give me one more chance. Just one more chance. To fix up. To mend what I’ve broken.

I try again, and then again, but she doesn’t pick up.

‘Maybe she’s busy…’ I comfort myself.

‘Or maybe she’s just not picking up…’ย says the voice in my head.

Disappointment closing in on me, I shove my phone under my pillow and head downstairs to do my homework.

Later that night, as I lay in bed, troubled illusions filling my mind and making it difficult to sleep, I reach for my phone.

‘I’ll just try one more time..’ย I tell myself.

Trying not to get my hopes up, I put my phone to my ear.

But once again it simply rings.

And then, just as I’m about to disconnect, a voice comes through.


*To reread the post in which Meez told Dee about Dayy click here.


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