Ninety Three

Hey. Hi. Hello. Salaam. Bonjour. Salut. Ciao. Ahoj. Bog. Marhaba. Ola.😀

Just a heads up: This post contains a lot of haraam. Lessons will prevail before the end of the blog, IA.

The first, and very last part is written in third person narrative.

Enjoy, and don’t forget to let me know what you think.

Much Love,

Troubled Illusioner. ❤


Dayyanah watches from afar as Rameez takes in his surroundings.

He’s clearly looking for someone. That someone being her.

Adjusting her cap so that it sits perfectly; covering more than necessary of her face, but not too much that it looks weird, Dayyanah pops a mint gum into her mouth, tugs her earphones out of her ears, and walks up to him.

She catches his attention, his gaze moving her way… but only for long enough to decide that it isn’t her.

Dayyanah smirks.

Meez doesn’t recognize her… obviously he doesn’t!

Dressed in skinny jeans, a leather jacket over a tank top, and her cap covering most of her face, Dayyanah lessens the distance between them.

A little closer now, she studies his features.

Soft hair.. Hazel brown eyes.. prominent eyebrows.. well-defined nose.. sharp jawline.. perfect lips..

Her gaze travels shamelessly, appreciating the way his T-shirt clings to his well built body.

Standing less than 5 feet away now, Meez notices Dayyanah again.

She flashes him her winning smile.

“Rameez Varachia,” she greets, offering him her fist.

Meez lifts an eyebrow, clearly surprised.

“Dayyanah?” he asks, uncertainly.

“That’s me,” she replies, her smile broadening.

‘Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up a minute! This is Dayyanah?!’

Meez does his best to hide his shock by smiling back and bumping fists.

“Sorry, didn’t recognize you for a moment,” he apologizes awkwardly.

‘Dammit, Meez, get a grip!’ he reprimands himself.

‘Well, he’s cute!’ thinks Dayyanah, amused.

“It’s chilled, can’t blame you,” she replies easily.

“Yeah, you sure as hell can’t. I remember you as the Hello Kitty obsessed kid, and here you are, looking all badass and grown up,” he says, noting her choice of outfit.

From her cap to her sneakers.. everything is black, giving her a mysterious, grown up look, and making her blue eyes stand out even more.

She grins at his more confident comment, but cringes slightly on the inside, at the reminder of her Hello Kitty phase.

A big group of adults turn into the alleyway, forcing Meez and Dayyanah to the side.

Standing against the wall, knee bent, foot up, Dayyanah takes the moment to check her phone.

No new messages.

‘Good, Nuwaylah, isn’t home yet,’ she thinks, triumphantly.

The noisy crowd has passed and the alleyway is quiet again. There is the occasional passerby, cyclist, or couple, but that’s fine with Dayyanah.

“So, you have something to tell me?” she asks, looking up at Meez who has moved to stand in front of her.

“I do, yeah,” he replies.

“Well, what is it?” she asks, making eye contact.

‘His eyes are a really nice shade of brown..’ she muses silently.

“You want me to tell you here? It’s kind of a biggie..” he says.

“Yeah, go ahead,” she replies confidently, but a slight feeling of anxiety creeps in.

“Well.. I don’t know how you’re going to react.. like, maybe you should sit down or something,” he fumbles, sounding nervous again.

‘Why didn’t I think this through properly?’ Meez thinks to himself, annoyed.

“I’m good dude, go for it,” she grins at him. “Make it long story short though, please.”

“Alright. Long story short,” he starts. “Yesterday… your uncle phoned-”

Dayyanah cuts him off immediately.

“Hold up, if this is anything to do with my family, I don’t want to hear,” she says bluntly.

‘Well, what else did you expect it to be about?!’ thinks Meez.

‘Whoa, Dayyanah, calm down there. Don’t want this handsome boy getting bad impressions,’ Dayyanah tells herself, realizing the sharpness of her words.

“It is about your family,” says Meez.

He holds up a hand when she open her mouth to speak.

“It’s important, you have to know.”

Dayyanah almost laughs out aloud, but catches herself in time.

‘Family and important don’t go in the same sentence, bro,’ she wants to say, but remains silent.

Straightening her legs, she steps away from the wall, causing Meez to step back at their sudden closeness.

“Look, dude, if this is about that, I’m leaving now,” she says seriously, her smile no longer there.

“And if it’s not? You’re staying?” he teases with a smirk, trying to lighten up the tension.

He catches her off guard, and for the shortest moment, she doesn’t know what to say.

‘Jeez, what is he implying…’ she wonders, stepping back to create some distance between them again.

Then covering up smoothly, Dayyanah gives him a smirk of her own.

“Depends. I’m a busy person, you know,” she says.

Meez grins at her reply, and she can’t help but notice what a perfect set of teeth he has..

Then, knowing he has to get this done, and he himself doesn’t have that much time too, before his mother realizes he isn’t at Amz anymore, he turns serious.

“Look, I’ll keep it brief, okay?”

“One sentence,” she commands, her disinterest showing clearly.

“Your father is dead.”

Immediately Meez wishes to take back his words. That is not how he should have said that!

‘She only gave me one bloody sentence though!’ he argues with the voice in his head.

‘That doesn’t justify it. That’s not how you break this kind of news to someone!’ the voice argues back.

“Sorry, what?!”

Dayyanah’s voice grabs his attention again.

Her expression is placid, showing no sign that she’s registered what he said.

“You father.. has.. passed on,” Meez says, a bit more sensitively this time.

He watches her reaction carefully… and when he thought Dee was good at hiding her emotions, he obviously hadn’t yet seen Dayyanah do it.

Her facial expression doesn’t change the slightest bit, but he doesn’t miss the quick flash of an emotion he can’t really place, in her eyes.

‘Just like Dee,’ he thinks to himself.

“Oh,”  Dayyanah says finally.

‘Oh? That’s all she’s going to say?’ contemplates Meez.

“Yeah, well, that’s what I needed to tell you..” Meez says awkwardly.

“Oh,” she says again, absentmindedly..

The air is suddenly thick and claustrophobic.

Then, the initial shock seemingly passing over her, Dayyanah looks at him and smiles.

He doesn’t really notice that it isn’t quite as perfect as the first time, because Meez isn’t really the observant type..

And that couldn’t have worked better for Dayyanah.


As narrated by Dayyanah:

You father is dead.

You father is dead.

You father is dead.

I walk slower than usual, my thoughts spinning in my head like a whirlwind.

Reaching home, I slip my key into the keyhole, but the door opens from the inside before I can even unlock it.

Nuwaylah stands on the inside, hands on her hips.

“Not now, please,” I groan, pushing past my 20 year best friend; who also happens to be my flatmate, knowing she’s going to grill me on where I’ve been.

She senses my abnormal mood, and lets it go… for now.

I walk up to my bedroom and lock the door behind me.

I sit on the floor, leaning against my bed as my thoughts wonder about my family.. after a long, long, time.

I wonder about Paapa. I wonder how he died. I wonder how much more damage he caused since the time I left and he passed on. I wonder what he would think if he seen who I’ve become; who he made me become…

I wonder about Maama. I wonder if she’s okay. I wonder if she thinks about me. I wonder if she’ll be happy with who I am today. Probably not.. 

I wonder about Deeyanah. I wonder if I’ll ever forgive her for leaving when I most needed her. I wonder what she does to take away her pain. I wonder if she’s left the past behind and has learnt to live again; not merely just exist. I wonder if she’s taken the route in life that I have. Probably not..

I wonder about Daanyaal. I wonder if he knows that I still sleep with his teddy bear; Honey Pot. I wonder if he still gets his way with his smile. I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. Probably not..

A knock on the door breaks through her thoughts.

“Dayyoo?” calls Nuwaylah.

“Yeah?”

“You okay in there?”

Dayyanah momentarily finds it difficult answering Nuwaylah’s question.

Lifting her head from her knees, she catches her image in the mirror standing against the wall.

“Yeah. Duh,” she finally replies.

And as Nuwaylah’s footsteps fade away, Dayyanah stands up and smiles at her reflection.

“Dayyanah is never not okay,” she adds quietly.

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21 thoughts on “Ninety Three

    • Obviously to show the differences in Dayyanah’s personality, perception, thought processes.. And to highlight the negative path that she’s on..
      Come now.. Lets not be judgey and dense. All part of the story and portraying all the different personalities with their innermost thoughts.

      Liked by 3 people

    • As addressed in a reply to a previous comment of yours:

      Shukran for your comment, sister. I am fully aware that nothing of this post is in hand with the requirements and rules of Shariah and Islam. Regardless of whether we choose to accept it or not, this is the reality of life. Out of our cocooned environment we find too many a Muslim girl and boy wasting their lives in this way. I cannot promise that there will be no more posts like this, as this is the character Rameez portrays. However, I urge you to continue reading as the outcomes of a life of displeasing Allah will soon prevail. I have no intention of glamorizing sin and I hope it has not come across that way. But, to show the consequences of such actions, the actions have to be done! I request that you please read this with an open mind and try to understand where I wish to go with this. JazakAllah again for your comment, much appreciated.❤
      Have a fantastic day!🙂

      As said in the beginning of the post:
      Lessons will prevail before the end of the blog, IA.

      May Allah guide us all. Ma’asalaam. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Well well sooo amazingly written intense post!!!! I wonder what exactly she has become… Please post more from dayy’s perspective. I reallx want to know her side of story.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Okay sooo… I love this blog first of all and I completely understand the logic behind having to speak of the haraam before actually advising against it. One of the reasons being that people generally feel like those who advise against it dont exactly know how good they feel for a certain amount of time before they feel the haraam depression vibe ya knooow,also the fact that they obv would not read it if it were straight up bayaans and things like that,some even feel like all this is normal and so it has to be presented to them as they see it and then slowly transition. Thats just some of it, I guess . I have yet to come across a blog that presents islamic lessons in such a glorious manner (I havent even figured out how to do that with my own blog as yet) as this one does. ( i may have picked up on this dabbling on about irrelevant info in my comments habit though, u bad influence)
    Btw i read the whole blog in a short space of time and now im sad coz theres no more posts.
    xoxo
    Farah

    Liked by 1 person

    • THIS COMMENT! ❤ ❤ ❤
      Literally, like, wow, omg, you just said everything in my head which I haven't been able to put forth in such…. omw I don't even know how to explain to you what exactly I'm trying to say!
      Basically, these are my points! This is what people need to know and understand!
      I'm reading it two days later, but honestly, your comment made my whole day.
      Thank you so, so much! I am really glad you enjoying the blog. ❤

      Like

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