Ninety Two

As narrated by Dee:

“He overdosed.”

“Purposely?” Daanyaal asks quietly.

“No,” I reply, just as softly, not trusting my voice to come out steady.

“Shit man,” he says, after a while. “That’s f***** up.”

My gaze snaps to his.

“Did you just say the f word?!” I ask in disbelief.

“What?” he asks, frowning.

He probably doesn’t know, Dee. Don’t shout him, teach him.

“You shouldn’t say that, Daanyaal.”

“What? F***** up?” he asks.

“Yes, ” I answer quickly, in case he says it again. “It’s a really bad word. If you say that you swearing and…”

I hesitate, not knowing how he’ll take it if I tell him why it’s wrong islamically.

“And what?” he presses.

“As Muslims, we have to follow Hadeeth and Qur’aan, you know that right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well.. urm, it comes in a Hadeeth, something to this effect, that swearing a muslim is sinful and killing him is an act of kufar.”

Ibn Mas’ud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:

The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, “Reviling a Muslim is Fusuq (disobedience of Allah) and killing him is (tantamount to) disbelief.”

[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

وعن ابن مسعود رضي الله عنه قال‏:‏ قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم‏ “‏سباب المسلم فسوق، وقتاله كفر

‏ ‏(‏‏(‏متفق عليه‏)‏‏)‏‏

“Ohh,” he replies. “So how must I know which are swear words?”

I think about his question and find it difficult giving him an answer. I can’t even tell him that it is words you don’t hear very often, because sadly that’s not true. I feel a bit uneasy knowing that I probably should know the answer to his question as a muslim, and I suddenly feel hypocritical knowing that my language isn’t totally correct sometimes, too. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up..

“I don’t know,” I eventually answer honestly. “Any word you don’t feel comfortable using I think.”

“But I feel comfortable using fu…  that word,” he corrects himself. “Carl uses it all the time.”

“Who’s Carl?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

“One of the boys in the ward,” he replies.

“Oh. Well, yeah maybe because he isn’t a muslim so .. you know,” I reply uncertainly. “Look, just don’t use that word, okay?”

“Okay,” he replies, shrugging slightly.

It’s quiet in the seating area, except for the voice of the lady on the TV.

“Do you want me to tell you everything else now?” I ask hesitantly, breaking the silence. “Or is this enough for one day.”

“I don’t know.. I don’t think I’ve even fully registered everything..” he replies.

“Wow, that was a good sentence, Daanyaal,” I note, smiling at him.

“Thanks, my psychologist uses it sometimes.”

That makes sense then.

“Everything you’ve told me… it feels… heavy. I don’t know how to explain it. Like, it’s so messed up.. I can’t believe that’s actually our lives.. it makes… it’s like… I don’t knowww!” he says, sounding slightly frustrated.

He doesn’t know, but I do.

I know exactly what he’s feeling… because countless times, I’ve felt the same way.

It’s like playing in the ocean just before high tide. You tell yourself you’ll get out in a while, the waters aren’t dangerous yet. But then, sooner than you’d think, a wave hits you, seemingly out of no where. It knocks you hard.. you lose your footing and go under. But you fight it, get back up, and get steady again. And you decide it’s time to get out.. head for the shore, where it is safe. And this is when you realize just how deep in your are. You didn’t expect the tide to come in so quickly. You didn’t register how far away from the shore you went. You didn’t deduce that the waters would get this rough. But nonetheless, you start heading for the shore.. because going further in isn’t going to help now, is it? And you’re almost at the shore when once again a wave hits you. But this wave hits you with such a force that the breath leaves your lungs, your entire body is pushed down, and terror grips your heart. And as the current goes back, your feet are lifted off the sand and the once lovely water you splashed in now pulls you forcefully into its endless vastness…


As narrated by Meez:

WhatsApp Chat- D2:

Meez: Hey. Can we meet up somewhere? Got something important to tell you.

Dayyanah replies immediately.

D2: Not so sure if that’s a good idea..

D2: Tell me here

Meez: Can’t

Meez: Meet me at the café by Jimmy’s in 10

But no one tells Dayyanah what to do.

D2: Brah, no way, that’s wayyy too busy. Alleyway 3 streets behind the club we first met at.

She goes offline, making it clear that the conversation is over. I either meet her where she said, or I don’t meet her at all.

Well, this is important, so I’ll allow a girl to push me around. But only this once.

She’s changed so much and I’m slightly anxious as to how this is going to go down, considering this is the first time we’ll be meeting alone and not in a club.

I pocket my phone; which I finally got back. After glancing in the mirror, satisfied with the image that stares back, I bend down to lace up my Vans. Adjusting my T-shirt, I spritz on some perfume and then leave my room, closing the door behind me.

“Muuuummy?” I call.

“I’m in the kitchen, darling,” she answers from downstairs.

“I’m going to Amz and Dee, okay?” I ask, reaching her.

It’s not a complete lie. I am going there first, because I’m certain my mother will phone long enough after I’ve left to check with Amz if I’m there.

It’s so annoying being monitored 24/7. Like a frikken newborn baby!!

I walk to the girls’ place. Oupa lets me in after commenting on how he hasn’t seen me in so long, but I’ve certainly grown more handsome.

I grin at him, the compliment going directly to ego. Yeah, the nonexistent one of course!

I walk up to the door and ring the bell repeatedly until I hear Amz yell from inside.

“PATIENCE, I’M COMING!”

I grin as she opens the door, and seeing me, the annoyed expression leaves her face.

“Heyy!” I greet, pulling her into a hug.

“And what gives me the honour of having the busy boy himself at my doorstep?” she teases, ushering me in.

We sit and catch up on the weeks that have passed… And when Amz finishes up by telling me about her soon to happen adoption, I’m left speechless; my mouth agape.

“You’re not being serious?!” I finally ask, hoping it’s all just a joke.

“I am, Meez,” she replies quietly.

The room is silent as she gets up to answer the phone; which is probably my mum calling, leaving me deep in thought.

Amaani.. adoption?? Amaani?!?!

“That was your mum,” she says, walking back into lounge with a cheeky grin.

“It’s not funny,” I mutter, rolling my eyes.

“You brought it upon yourself though,” she says gently.

I sigh, knowing fully well that she is right.

“Amz, are you sure.. about this adoption thing?”

She looks slightly distressed at my question and I realize how rarely I’ve seen Amz like this. She’s usually the strong one, but I guess strong people have there limits too…

After a long moment, she answers my question.

“You know, Meez, had you asked me this question 2 days ago, I would have answered you confidently in the affirmative… But now… after talking to Dee about it and with her dad passing, something has changed…”

I listen silently, waiting for he to go on.

“Dee didn’t sleep last night.. she skipped supper.. I don’t Meez.. It’s just that before I thought it would work, I’d be fine, Dee will come with too, so we’d both be okay. But she refuses to come with.”

Silence settles between us, both of lost in thought.

“I’ll be fine, but what about Dee??” asks Amz, so quietly that I almost don’t hear her.

“I don’t know how I didn’t look at it this way before. I guess I just thought she’d agree to coming with, but now her refusal got me looking at things this way. That, and last night too.”

It might be selfish of me, but I’m actually glad that she is seeing things this way.

There’s no way she and Dee can part ways.. I just don’t see it working. And folks, I’ve got good eyesight!

Or so Meez thinks… because when he arrives at the place he agreed to meet Dayyanah at, he sees no sign of her, yet she stands only a few feet away from him…


Hey. Hi. Hello. Salaam. Bonjour. Salut. Ciao. Ahoj. Bog. Marhaba. Ola. 😀

Hope you beautiful bunch are doing good. 

I just want to thank all of you who commented and sent forth your opinions on whose narration this post should be from. It makes me so happy to know that you guys take the time to read this blog and then drop me a comment too. Keep the feedback coming.. I love interacting with you guys and it keeps me motivated to give you guys the best I can. 

Dee’s narration got the most votes, with Amz following and then Dayy, whose nickname I hope is read the way I read it in my head… not Day.. Dayy. Yeah, there’s a difference!

Anyway, the reason I put Meez’s narration is because I kinda wanted to write his narrative. (Wow, that’s a good reason..) If you’re a blogger you’ll understand what I mean!  If you aren’t a blogger, you can just pretend that you understand what I mean, okay? Awesome, thanks! I did make sure to stick to my word though, so it’s really just what’s happening with Amz, but Meez’s narrative. Annnd next post will be Dayy’s narrative, IA. 

I’m so sorry for always giving you guys such a long pointless note to read at the end but I just love adding my rambles… ‘coz yanno, the 1000 somewhat words of the post aren’t enough!!

Anyway, hope you all enjoyed the post! Until the next one..

Much Love,

Troubled Illusioner. ❤

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10 thoughts on “Ninety Two

  1. Woww!! What a post!! Well done authoress!!!Thank god amz is thinking in that way because like meez for me too amz and dee apart just not go. Hmmmm…I wonder what this guy has up on his sleeve… Welllll! That makes me to say pleassseeeeeee post soooooonnnnnnn….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. But your rambles sure are interesting to read as well!😂
    I hope amani changes her mind as well, yet at the same time…14 year olds living alone?? With all the responsibilities and chores that go with that? I could never have done that at 18 as well! Plus I would have been too scared to live alone😨 so in that way her reasoning seems reasonable as well. I hope Dee goes back to her family now, there’s nothing like family end of the day…

    http://www.beingmusl1m.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

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