Eighty Five

As narrated by Hamza:

“You’re my honeybunch, sugar plum, pumpy-umpy-umpkin. You’re my sweetie pie, my cuppycake, snoogums, boogums, you’re the apple of my eye!”

I watch as Sumayya sings to her cat, her facial expression changing every few seconds as she strokes his fur and taps his nose. And every time she taps his nose, he jumps slightly, watching her finger carefully. It eventually becomes too hilarious to watch silently and I burst out laughing.

She turns around quickly, not realizing how long I’ve been standing here watching her.

“That’s up on my snapchat for you, and many others, to hear how terribly you sing!” I say to her with an innocent grin.

The death glare she shoots me only gets me laughing harder.

“What’s so funny??” Taybs calls from the next room.

“Wait there, I’m coming to show you,” I call back through my laughter.

Waving at a very annoyed Sumayya, I join Taybs in her room next to Sumi’s.

“Sumi is madly in love with her cat who doesn’t even care if she’s dead or alive!” I say, showing Taybs the snap.

After watching it a couple times over, Taybs is in a fit of uncontrollable giggles.

“He does care about me, okay!” says Sumayya, as she walks into the room, Tybalt in her arms.

“Don’t you, my baby?” she asks him, stroking his head.

That sets Tayyiba off again, which gets me laughing too!

He purrs softly and Sumayya gives us an ‘I told you so!’ look.

“You’ll just jealous no one loves you’ll, shame!”

“You love us!” I say, pulling at Tybalt’s tail as Sumi sits down next to me.

“You wish!” she replies, swatting my hand away. “Don’t touch him!”

“Oh MAAF! Overprotective much?!” I tease purposely prodding at Tybalt’s soft fur.

He jumps, trying to catch my hand with his paws. But then, being the lazy lump he is, he settles back in Sumayya’s lap, ignoring me.

“Oh look, that’s the first time his ever done exercise since we’ve had him. You should give him a reward or something!” I say, smirking at Sumayya.

“Shut up! You’re such an ass!”

“Ale-le-lele! I’m going to tell mummy you using bad words!” says Tayyiba, who is no longer laughing.

“Ooops,” says Sumayya, quickly covering her hand with her mouth.


“Too late,” I whisper, nudging her.

She glares at me, as mummy walks into the room.

“What is it? Hamza, Sumayya, are you’ll troubling her?”

“Mummy, Sumi said a bad word!”

I bite my lip, trying my best not to laugh.

“Sumayya!” scolds mummy.

Sorrrryyy! Hamza was irritating me!”

“No I wasn’t,” I say quickly, but mummy catches the hint of a mischievous smirk on my face.

She shakes her head at me, but I can tell she wants to grin too!

“Come, you two. I need you’ll to drop something by Aunty Aadila.”

Sumi and I get up.

I check that Taybs is comfortable, give her the book she’s reading and we head out of the room.

Alhamdulillah, Taybs is recovering really well, from what the doctor said at our last appointment. The good news seems to have brought our old Sumayya back and taken the stress of our parents’ shoulders. And I can focus on matric trials studying better, which let me have you know, is no joke!

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Motivation for the matriculants!

*The part written in black is a flashback; a hallucination Dee experiences while unconscious due to having fainted.

As narrated by Dee:

“Wake up! Dee, wake up!” pleads a distant voice filled with urgency.


I’m trying.. trying.

But then the voice becomes louder, clearer, and different.



Everything hurts everywhere and I’m trying to tell her to stop yelling but I can’t. My body is frozen, refusing to cooperate.

“Oh my God!”

A bated whisper.

“You killed her!”

Horror … disbelief.

And then a scream so angry, so agonized, pierces through the heavy silence. My head feels like it’s going to explode and I try opening my eyes, but the effort is too much. Bolts of pain shoot through my body and I groan internally.

Why is Dayyanah screaming? What is he doing to her? Oh my god, I need to get up. 

Get up, get up! 

But why won’t my body move? Why is there so much pain.

Dayyanah’s words suddenly ring in my ears… ‘You killed her!’


‘You killed her!’

Oh my god, am I dying? Is this what death feels like? 

No, no, no! I don’t want to die.. I can’t die now! No, please, help me someone!

I try to scream but once again the pain crushes me.

Take it away! Please, take away the pain!

But the pain doesn’t lessen in the least bit. It has captured me and now tortures me mercilessly, surging through every fiber of my being, making it difficult to breathe. And each time I try fighting it, it hits back twice as hard, eventually leaving me numb.

This is it.. this is where it ends. 

Slowly I feel myself beginning to surrender…

When suddenly, cold hands cradle my flushed cheeks.


Don’t yell, please, stop screaming.. it hurts!

My eyes open slowly.. painfully.

Amaani’s panicked eyes meet mine.

“Amz?” I question softly.

Where is Dayyanah? 

What the hell just happened?

I try to sit up but my head spins forcing me to lay back down.

“Deeyanah? Oh my god.. I thought.. Dee, I thought.. are you okay? Are you okay? What happened?

Questions stumble over each other out of Amaani’s mouth.

I close my eyes, trying to remember what just happened.

Woke up with a headache.. took Panadoes, but it’s still not gone.. in fact it’s now worse..

Spoke to Amaani.. wait, did we have a fight? 

I frown.

Spoke to Amaani.. Uncle Rashid phoned.. felt dizzy.. 

Uncle Rashid phoned.. 

Oh my God the phone call!

I gasp, my eyes widening in shock.

“No, no no! Shit, no, Oh my God!”

I sit up quickly, fighting the dizziness that hits immediately.

“What is it? Dee, what happened?!”

“Water,” I whisper. “Please, Amz.”

I sip the water Amz holds to my lips.

“Dee, what’s going on? What did Uncle Rashid say??”

A cry of woe escapes from deep within my aching heart.

I had a chance.. Oh god, why didn’t I use it?! Why, why, why?!

Burying my face in my hands, this time I don’t try to stop the tears streaming down my face.

“Dee, please… tell me what’s going on??”

I failed.. 

I failed him..

And now it’s too late.

Amz pulls my hands away from my face. I can’t meet her gaze… burying my face in her shoulder as a wave of grief crashes over me, pushing me under.

Amz moves her arms to wrap them around me, but I pull away.

I look up at her now, her teary green eyes searching my pained blue ones questioningly.

I had a chance. I was given a chance.. but I didn’t use it. I ran.. I was selfish.. I am selfish. I’m a coward. I didn’t use the chance I was given, and now it’s too late.

Now it’s too late.

I have failed. 

I have failed, and now there is no going back. 

“Paapa,” I whisper, my voice barely audible. “He’s dead.”


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Hey. Hi. Hello. Salaam. Bonjour. Salut. Ciao. Ahoj. Bog. Marhaba. Ola.😀

If this post made you feel two entirely contradicting emotions, then I have achieved what I aimed for. 

To the matriculants, (specifically my two fav Ks) – study hard and leave the rest in Allah’s hands. May you’ll excel and be nothing but happy with your results, Inshl. All the best! ❤

Shoutout to N.M (Zee’s 45th generation). 😉 Chica, you have a shorter post to read now because you nagged me for a part earlier so bwahahaha! 

Don’t forget to drop me a comment, letting me know what you think. I love reading them!

Much Love,

Troubled Illusioner. ❤


7 thoughts on “Eighty Five

  1. Definitely filled with emotion. A very well written post. Very heartbreaking though💔and soo many questions! Where’s Day n Danyaal n their mum? How did papa die? What’s going to happen with Dee? And is Amaani still going through with the adoption? Just have to wait patiently as it all unfolds…

    Liked by 1 person

      • Why is Danyaal in the rehab?wasnt he in hospital or something??
        Wonder hw the father died:/🤔😶🤔
        Eish mahnn its hard to have patience when theres sooo much of suspense😏👎🏼
        Ur writing is the awesomestest(im learnin frm yazeed)loll

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yepp, he was in hospital. There’s a difference between hospital and rehab. Rehab is to recover fully after hospital. In Daanyaal’s case, do to trauma, memory loss, etc. he has to be at Rehab. See, often we hear the word Rehab and automatically we think ‘drugs’ but Rehab is not just about that. It’s a place of recovery. Maybe reread posts 48 (1&2), 51, 55, and 76 to refresh the story a bit.
          Aah, sorry mahn, hasn’t been easy getting into writing mode easily recently..
          All you questions will be answered in due time though, Inshl! 🙂
          And suspense makes life exciting! 😉 (Especially when you’re not on the receiving end *sticks out tongue at you*!)
          Shukran for your support and comments, it means a lot! ❤ ❤


  2. The two contradicting emotions were surely felt. I mean she had that illusion and I think she was scared from him and then she is like she failed him. Its really intriguing. I hope all the facets of her story come out in open soooonnnneeeeessssst! I mean I am very curious about what actually happened. Eveything like how his father loved them so much then what happened ythat everyone became so scared of it. It seems like some abuse. But exactly why and how it reached there????and why she is thinking that she failed him??? Authoress hats off to u . U have put forth this so well that I wait for new post with a baited breath! Love ur story!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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