Fifty One

As narrated by Deeyanah:

Cross legged, I sit by my room window, my forehead pressing against the glass.

It had happened. One of my greatest fears in life had become a reality.

This is it.

This is the result of my cowardliness.

342 days ago I had left. I had ignored my mother’s pleas, I had ignored my sisters words, I had ignored Daanyaal’s whimpers. I was stingy, caring only for my own safety. And it had cost me… It had cost me so much.

I shut my eyes tightly, willing the image of Daanyaal’s barely recognizable face to vanish, willing the sound of his fear filled voice to fade away.

But it remains, imprinting itself into my memory forever.

“Promise me you won’t go? Please, Dee, you can’t leave me.”

I look up towards the ceiling, trying to stop the tears that I haven’t allowed to flow until last night.

“The fact that we have sensed movement and heard sounds means that he will now be transitioned to what we call a ‘vegetative state’. He is however still unconsciousness and these actions are involuntary, therefore, we will not be able to discharge him as yet. But, I am pleased to inform you that he is on the way to recovery.”

The doctors words ring in my ears.

“But, I am pleased to inform you that he is on the way to recovery.”

My brain seems to have not processed these words, because after hearing them from the doctors mouth last night, the little hope that I was still holding onto, had suddenly vanished. The severity of the situation only seems to have sunk in now. Now, when my brother is now being referred to as a vegetable. A vegetable! How dare the doctor call him a freaking vegetable and then tell me that he is on the way to recovery!!

I am no more in denial.

I can no longer be in denial.

Daanyaal is in hospital.

And it is all because of my own cowardliness.

As narrated by Amaani:

Slipping on my headphones, I grab my laptop and flop down onto my over sized beanbag.

It was time for a YouTube marathon!!

YouTube marathons are usually done with the whole squad because everything is so much funnier with friends! But, today’s YouTube marathon demanded to be done alone.

Dee is in her room, door locked. She refuses to let me in and I let it go. Zee is running some errands with his granddad. Sumayya is out exploring P.E for the weekend. And Meez isn’t answering his phone! I don’t really blame him though, after all, it is only 10:00 am on a Saturday morning. The only reason I’m awake this early, is because I had to let in our domestic helper, Aunty Tembi. Dee normally does that, but, well.. she’s not really her usual self at the moment.

4 videos later, I get up to fetch a snack.

Dee is in the kitchen, sitting on the counter, eating ice-cream straight out of the tub. The 5 liter tub, mind you! I shake my head, smiling. This kid!!

“What?” she says, looking up at me.

“Nothing,” I reply, my smile widening. “Enjoying the ice-cream?”

“It feels nice inside,” says Dee. “Freezes everything, especially when you eat a lot at once.”

“You okay?” I ask, hesitantly.

Instantly I regret asking.

Damn Amaani, back at saying the stupidest possible thing.

“That’s quite a stupid question, for someone as intelligent as you,” Dee replies after a moment of silence, brushing off my concern as she stuffs another spoonful off ice-cream into her mouth.

“I was talking to the ice-cream,” I say.

“Smooth,” says Dee, not missing a beat.

I grin.

I hadn’t fully lost her.. yet.

Grabbing a bag of pretzels from the cupboard, I make my way out.

“Hey, my pun couldn’t have been so bad that you want to leave,” says Dee, stopping me in my tracks.

I turn around.

“What you’re up to?” asks Dee, jumping off the counter.

“Watching YouTube. Alone, might I add,” I say, hinting that I want her to join me.

“Oh,” she replies, putting the ice-cream tub back into the freezer.

Oh? Oh, what?

“Want to join?” I ask.

“No, don’t want to disturb your date with yourself,” she replies, nonchalantly.

Man, either that ice-cream did her really good, or, she’s hiding her feelings really well! 

Knowing Dee, it’s surely the latter.

Half an hour later, Dee is showered, changed into fresh, comfy clothes and seated next to me on my beanbag.

We haven’t even fully watched the prank video I had loaded earlier, when my phone rings.

It’s Meez.

Me: Wow, so you finally decided to call back. I was hoping you actually died.

Meez: (Sarcastic voice) Salaam to you too, Amaani. Yes, I am well and I missed you too.

Me: (rolling my eyes) Oh shut uuup!

Meez: (His voice now serious) Well actually, now isn’t a good time. We need to talk…

Me: (I hear the seriousness in his voice and  I don’t want to shun him now that he willingly wants to talk) Okay, gimme a sec.

I drop my laptop on Dee’s lap and sit up.

Me: Yeah? Go ahead, what’s bothering that big head of yours?

Meez: Urrm, didn’t actually phone to talk about that… (trailing off)

Me: (Oh, no surprise there!) What is it then?

Meez: You’re not going to believe who I saw last night!


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